i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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