Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
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I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
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It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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