a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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