is your mom at the bar?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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