It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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