Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize