You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
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i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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