dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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