I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize