i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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