It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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