Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize