I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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