Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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