I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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