did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
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Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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