i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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