sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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