I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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