We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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