saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
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hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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