Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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