Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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