I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
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You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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