Jerry, you need to find god
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize