I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize