very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just cut my nipple shaving
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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