Umm I'm too high to move.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize