take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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