I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize