You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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