When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize