I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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