i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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