I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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