Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
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I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
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This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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