it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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