Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize