Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize