i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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