If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
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I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
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well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize