I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize