I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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