not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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