i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Randomize
