I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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