Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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