Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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