chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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