woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
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I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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