I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
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We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
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I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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