Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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