I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
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It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
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Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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