I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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